Dating can be a really fun experience for many people but for some it can really take it’s toll on their self esteem. This is because of many reasons but one reason is the type of men that you are going on dates with. To make it easier, it’s a good idea to work out as quickly as possible who’s cool and who’s not by identifying the type of man that you are dating.
Even though my viewpoint is quite simplistic on this one, I believe that there are three basic types of men in the dating world. Please be aware that those three types could be divided even further, but for starters let’s just focus on the basic three.
Here is my description of each to help you to spot the different types so that you can use this information to help you to make good dating choices for yourself.
1) The Good Man
The good man is someone who behaves with integrity. He is motivated to treat others well as he knows that it leads to self respect. This type of man is what I call “female friendly”, which means that he knows quite a bit about how women think. These types of men tend to have very good relationships with their mothers and sisters (if they have any), which leads them to respect women generally.
This type of man will treat anybody well because he believes in behaving with integrity, irrespective of how the other person behaves as he wants to maintain his self-respect. He will not treat a woman badly or take advantage of her as he knows that this is not nice behaviour and he doesn’t want to conduct himself that way. If you are not for him, he will let you down gently and won’t take advantage of the fact that you like him.
2) The 50/50 Man (aka the average man)
Many men fall into this category. They are looking for long term quality relationships, but with the right woman. However, they will still have relationships with women who they have secretly placed in the “fling” category, while they are waiting for the right one for them to come along.
How this type of man treats you will be based on two things
a) Whether he likes you or not
b) How you behave
Let’s look at the two factors in a bit more depth
a) Whether he likes you or not
If he likes you, he will make a consistent effort with you and you will be treated well and considered consistently. This is a great situation. So dating a good man or a 50/50 man who likes you are the two ideal situations.
However, if you are not the one for a 50/50 man, he won’t treat you the way you want to be treated consistently because he’s not that bothered about losing you.
* This doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthwhile/attractive etc., it just means that you aren’t suited – but you are perfectly suited to another man. Never base your worth on whether a man makes an effort with you or not – ever!
Be aware ladies, that some men in this category, will pretend to like you when they know that you are not the one for them as they don’t want to lose the benefits of having you around. These relationships can be confusing because these men blow hot and cold. They make an effort one minute (when they want something such as an ego boost, companionship & sex) but drop all the effort when you are no longer beneficial to them. These are the types of men that will say the right thing when you moan about their lack of effort and say that you want to end it. They do this at this point so that they can change your mind so that they can still keep you around so that they can benefit from you, on their terms. They like the security and comfort of knowing that you are always available to them.
How do you know which type of 50/50 man you are dealing with?
The only way you can tell how a man feels about you is by paying attention to his consistent actions rather than paying attention to what he says. It is easy to speak but not so easy to act. Actions reveal a person true intentions and interest.
If a man likes you, you will know it. He does what he says he is going to do consistently. He makes an effort because he wants you to like him and stay with him. A 50/50 man who is only partially interested will blow hot and cold with you (as described above). This is how you can tell the difference.
Any man who doesn’t make either enough effort or a consistent effort with you should be walked away from now. Find a better one. If you stay in the relationship and make all of the effort, things will never change. People are not motivated to change when their current behaviour is rewarded.
Many women make the error of making an effort with a man who doesn’t reciprocate their effort. They incorrectly believe that if they try a bit harder to be nice to a him, he will eventually see her worth and appreciate her. This doesn’t work, as human beings generally don’t appreciate things or people that they don’t work for. If a woman makes all of the effort, a man doesn’t have to do anything and this normally results in him disrespecting her and treating her badly.
b) How you behave and whether or not you have standards and boundaries. This type of man looks for cues from a woman and then CHOOSES how to behave.
If he likes you, the relationship has potential. However, the relationship will only be successful if you believe that you are a prize and behave as such.
Women who know their worth have standards and boundaries. They have a set of standards that men need to meet, to date them and they naturally communicate this to men that are interested.
On the other hand, women who don’t know their worth usually don’t have standards and boundaries and they often settle for what they think is the best that they can get.
Many men will actually test a woman, in some way, especially in the beginning, to see what she will tolerate and what she won’t. This is because they secretly want a woman who respects herself enough not to tolerate poor behaviour (weird, I know!). A man will respect a woman if she doesn’t tolerate his boundary pushing behaviour.
Men will make as much effort as you accept. When you date someone who keeps disappointing you, you are accepting this behaviour. You are even rewarding it!
The 50/50 men are not toxic men and they do want relationships. They are not trying to actively hurt you but they will test you to see if you are someone that they can respect, as this is what most men want in a LONG TERM partner. Your behaviour, which you are in control of, will determine whether he respects you or not.
This is why knowing your worth is so important when dating. If your confidence is low, you are more likely to tolerate “boundary pushing” behaviour and will “fail” his test. Work on building your confidence and knowing your boundaries before you start dating
So remember, the only way a relationship with a man in this category can be successful (and many are) is a) if he likes you & b) He knows that he must behave well as he knows that you won’t tolerate any disappointing behaviour.
3) The Toxic Man (a minority of men)
This is a man who has serious issues from his childhood. See my blog “The 3 Types of Toxic Men in The Dating World & Why They Are Toxic” for a few more details.
This type of man is so consumed with making himself feel comfortable that he is likely to do things that will damage your self esteem and sanity at some point.
Irrespective of reason why they are toxic, these types of men should be avoided like the plague. Stop dating them at the first sign of trouble. They may be nice to you in the beginning but at some point in the relationship, they will reveal their true colours.
This situation can be tricky as you may want to continue giving him chances as you will wait for him to go back to how he was in the beginning, as this is who YOU think he is. This probably won’t happen as how he is in the beginning is NOT who is truly is. Unfortunately, many toxic men can be very good at acting when they are motivated to get affection, love, attention and sex from you.
As you can see, not all men are bad. In fact there are many that are nice. You have those in the good category and many in the 50/50 category (dependent on how they feel about you and how you react)
* You will not be able to tell which category a man falls into by his appearance. You an only work out which type of man he is by paying attention to his consistent actions.
Dating can be a really positive experience but it is always best to just make sure that you look after yourself during the process and recognising the different types of men will help you to do that.
I hope that this blog helped. If you want any more dating tips, my Dating Toolkit may be of interest to you. Pop over to my Etsy store for more information.