Imagine the scene……….you go on a date with a man and really enjoy yourself. He also indicates that he’s having a good time and says that he will call you soon as he definitely wants to see you again. He’s keen, you’re keen. Match made in heaven you think…………
You’ve heard of the three day rule in relation to calling so you know there’s a chance that even though he was keen, he might not call for a few days. Three days roll by and you haven’t heard anything but that’s expected you tell yourself. Another day rolls by and you say to yourself “he’s playing it extra cool” but that’s ok as you know what he’s doing……
5,6,7, days roll by and now your starting to stress out a bit. You start telling yourself that he must have been busy as he did mention on the date that he was busy working on ___________ (fill gap with any project that he mentioned on the date).
He hasn’t called after a week (or maybe longer) and you start to ask yourself “what shall I do?”.
Let’s face it ladies, we all know this usually means “shall I call him to see what’s going on?”
These are the two main mistakes that many woman make at this point:
They take it really personally that he hasn’t called and start to believe that there must be something wrong with them.
They make the mistake of believing that their worth as a partner is based on the inaction of one man who they don’t know very well. They doubt themselves to such an extent that they believe that an almost stranger determines their worth.
This indicates a lack of self-esteem. It indicates that they don’t realise how much of a catch they are because if they did know they wouldn’t even ask themselves “what’s wrong with me?” because they know that there isn’t anything wrong with them and that they simply aren’t a match.
To women who make this mistake I would say:
“If a man doesn’t call you it is not a reflection of your worth, especially as you are the same person whether he calls or not, so you can’t be someone of worth if he calls but not someone of worth if he doesn’t. You are the same person irrespective of what he does or doesn’t do. Your worth is determined by WHAT YOU DO and WHO YOU ARE, not by the behaviour of a man.
This is a man you hardly know. You don’t know what is going on for him right now. He may have some secret issues that means that he isn’t able to be in a relationship with anyone, not just you.
In my time, I’ve noticed that there are many men out there who make very snap, judgemental decisions about women way too quickly and then end up missing out on a woman who could have made them very happy if he hadn’t been foolish enough to make such a rash decision. The man you went on a date with may be one of these men”
Irrespective of why he hasn’t called, the fact is that he hasn’t. Don’t allow this to affect you. Remind yourself of
1) why you are a good partner and
2) that you are not interested in a man who doesn’t make an effort with you.
Way too many women make the mistake of settling for a man who doesn’t make an effort with her because she has incorrectly convinced herself that she can change him. Don’t be one of these women. These women usually waste months and years of their lives chasing the wrong man and get their hearts broken time and time again.
You can avoid this by learning to allow yourself and enjoy, being pursued.
Call him or text him.
This could even be as casual as a “hi, how are you text”. Let’s be honest though ladies, this text is usually used to either remind him that you exist or prompt him to arrange another date. Hey, we’ve all been there!
This is a mistake because men are naturally hunters. Men usually love the thrill of the chase. In fact, I have heard that men don’t like it when women call them/have sex with them “too early” as the chase (which they love so much) is over. I’ve also heard men say that they don’t like women pursuing them as “it’s my job”. They feel that the woman is taking their male role away from them. This is coupled with the fact that it shows that you are very interested in him. It indicates that you have already made a positive decision about him. If you reveal this too early he starts to lose his attraction for you. Men like to earn a woman’s time and attention.
The painful truth is that if he doesn’t call, it’s because he isn’t motivated enough to call which usually means that he isn’t interested enough, despite what he said the last time he saw you. Always remember to focus on his actions (calling) rather than his words (the ones he uttered during the last date).
He just doesn’t want to chase right now.
If you were the woman for him he would have made the effort to call. For the woman that he wants, he wouldn’t be too busy to call as he would be worried that he would lose her if he didn’t.
The best thing to do is to move on and make an effort to find a man who wants to be with you to the extent where he will be motivated to call you consistently. That man is out there, you just have to get out there to cross his path.
I hope this blog has helped
Until next time – Take care
* Please be aware that this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be perceived as professional advice. I cannot guarantee results or be held accountable for dating outcomes based on the content of these blog posts. You use this information at your own risk. If you need assistance with your individual situation, please consult a professional.