The beliefs that people have in their subconscious minds drive most of their choices and behaviour. Behind every action or inaction, there is a belief that has resulted in this choice e.g. women who believe that all men are bad usually avoid having relationships with men and women who believe that they can only be complete when in a relationship will do everything in their power to remain in a relationship (even if it is an unhealthy one). You can see from the examples that underlying beliefs are the cause of many people’s choices.
There are many women out there who are wasting their lives in unhealthy relationships that make them feel bad. Many of these women do not understand why they make the choices that they do i.e. stay, even though the relationship is making them unhappy.
I wrote this blog to help those in difficult relationships and their friends and families to become aware of the underlying beliefs that lead women to remain in relationships that don’t work.
* Please note that men can also have these or similar limiting beliefs.
Here are some really common beliefs that these women hold, which control their behaviour.
1) Being single means that I will be lonely and even more miserable than I am now
2) My partner isn’t great at the moment but he has the potential to be better and I’m prepared to wait because I know he will change.
3) I know that the relationship will get better in time, once he……..
4) In every relationship people have to compromise and this means sometimes accepting bad behaviour.
5) I won’t be able to cope on my own
6) If I make more of an effort and behave perfectly, he will change
7) Having someone is better than having no one
8) I’m over 40 and men don’t really want women over 40, so I have to be grateful that someone is prepared to have a relationship with me.
9) I won’t find anyone else, so this situation is better than being on my own
10) It’s important that children are raised by two parents, even though we don’t get on. The children aren’t affected by the tension between us
11) I made marriage vows and I must not break them, no matter how unhappy I am.
12) He can’t cope without me and will be hurt if I leave
13) My children will be devastated if we part, so I’m going to stay. I am ok with being unhappy if it means that my children remain happy
14) I’ve invested years in this relationship and if I leave now then it means that I will have wasted all of those years waiting for him to change
15) I’ll give the relationship just one more year to see if he changes
16) He had a difficult childhood and it’s not his fault that he’s mean and abusive, it’s because………. If I understand and look after him, then he will get better and we can have a good relationship
17) I am just drawn to bad men. I can’t help myself. There is nothing I can do about it
18) But I love him…
19) I can cope with this situation for now
20) I don’t want to end it because if we split, I will feel like a failure as I have failed to make this relationship work
Do you recognise any of these beliefs? Can you see which ones are keeping you in this relationship?
These are just a few of the beliefs that people hold when they are in unhappy and damaging relationships. The person involved believes that these are facts but this isn’t true. They are just the beliefs i.e. opinions. They just appear to be facts to the person that holds them.
There is only one way to become free from a relationship like this and that is to identify the beliefs that you have that are holding you in this relationship and change them. If you don’t, this dynamic will potentially continue for years.
I hope this blog has helped
* Please be aware that this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be perceived as professional advice. I cannot guarantee results or be held accountable for dating outcomes based on the content of these blog posts. You use this information at your own risk. If you need assistance with your individual situation, please consult a professional.