There are many painful dating situations, for both men and women. The good news is that many of them can be avoided, if the people involved take the time to think about the decisions that they are making and the effect that those decisions will have on them in the long term. One way that people can do this is to become more aware of their own and other people’s dating psychology.
In this blog, I’m going to describe one of the most common and painful dating situations for women (and possibly men’s). In my next blog, I’m going to explain the psychology behind it, so that you can avoid it in the future.
Let’s meet Sophie and Jack……..
- Sophie meets Jack on a night out.
- She really likes him and asks him for his number.
- She calls him the next day to see if he wants to go on a date
- Jack agrees and they meet up at the weekend
- After the date, Sophie is ecstatic. She loved the date and thinks he is an “amazing guy”. She thinks he has real potential to be a great boyfriend.
- Sam, another man, who is really keen on Sophie, asks her out on a date. She declines as she thinks that Jack is a far better option and she doesn’t want to upset Jack.
- After a couple of dates, Sophie starts to worry about when they are going to have sex. Sophie has been told that if you don’t sleep with a man by the third date he will lose interest and find someone who will. On date number four they sleep together. She feels happy as she feels that this has bonded them further and she feels confident that he will like her/respect her even more as she waited until the fourth date.
- However, after a month of dating, there seems to be a slight problem, as Sophie has noticed that jack never initiates contact with her and even when they do communicate, Sophie texts him far more than he texts her. She doesn’t like it but she thinks that in time, he’ll make more of an effort, once he gets more involved in the relationship. She knows that he is really busy at work at the moment and that is probably why he doesn’t communicate as much as her.
- Jack can sense that Sophie has become attached and tells her that he isn’t ready for a relationship.
- She is upset but convinces herself that in time he will change his mind.
- They continue to see each other
- After a few months, Sophie’s instincts tell her that there is something wrong, as he still doesn’t make as much effort with her as she does with him
- She starts to think about how can she get him to like her more and make more of an effort with her.
- After three months of dating, he takes longer to reply to her texts and sometimes he doesn’t respond at all
- She calls him to see if he’s ok and to ask what’s wrong.
- He says that he’s really busy
- A week later, he stops replying to any of her messages. He seems to have vanished off of the face of the planet
- After a month of him not replying to her messages, she accepts that it is over. She feels really confused. She starts asking herself “what’s wrong with me? “What did I do wrong?”
- She wants answers from him about what happened. She keeps telling herself that she “needs” closure. She calls him and leaves messages on his phone, asking for reasons why he has behaved like this towards her. He doesn’t respond.
- She gives up in the end and tells people that Jack has robbed her of her self-esteem.
- She then decides not to date again as she thinks that all men are timewasters.
In the next blog, I’ll describe the psychological reasons why this happened, so that you avoid this situation in the future.
Until next time
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