There are so many people in the dating world that don’t truly know what they want and rely on their feelings to guide them as they go along. While this approach can work for some people, there are many that it doesn’t work for and they are likely to experience disappointment at best and a broken heart at worst and this is all because they have chosen to date without a dating plan.

So, it’s important before you venture into the dating world that you are very clear about what you want at the end of the dating process. What outcome do you want?

It is important to have a dating plan as it helps you to make good dating decisions when you are on your dating journey. Sexual chemistry can be a powerful force when you are dating and it is very easy to be persuaded by it in the moment, but decisions based on sexual chemistry alone are not necessarily the best decisions long term and can cause problems fro both parties.

It is also important to be clear on your dating plan or you may end up accepting less than you want and end up constantly feeling frustrated by your partner’s behaviour as they don’t meet your needs.

Here are some examples of the different type of dating plans:

  • Married with children
  • Married without children
  • Living together with children
  • Not living together
  • Casually seeing someone twice a week and living separately

Here are some key questions to help you to work out your dating plan:

  • How important is it for you to be married between 0-10?
  • If you want to get married, what positive feelings will marriage give you?
  • How important is it for you to live with someone?
  • If you want to live with someone, what positive feelings will living with someone give you?
  • How important is it for you to have children between 0-10?
  • If you want children, what positive feelings will having children give you?

Then ask yourself the question “If I was with a man who doesn’t want ….(state here what you want), how would I feel every day?”. Considering you only have one life, are you prepared to accept this?

The reason you should ask what positive feelings you will get from marriage/living together/children etc. is because it enables you to know what you are giving up if you stay with a man who doesn’t want the same type of relationship as you.

A Few Things to Consider………

1) If you want to be married and have at least four children you will have to accept that you will have a smaller man pool to choose from than say a women who wants to live with her partner but isn’t bothered about getting married or having children. But remember – the aim is not to have as many options of unsuitable men as possible; the aim should be to find the one man that will make you happy as you both want the same things.

2) If you want different things than other women it doesn’t make you wrong or too picky, it just makes you different.

3) Saying that, you may want to avoid asking him whether he wants to get married or not whilst ordering the starter on your first date! However, always bear in mind that at some point in the future, a conversation about marriage should take place so that you know where you both stand. It is better to know that he doesn’t want the same type of relationship as you early on, rather than waste five years of your life presuming that at some point you will have the relationship that you want. Many women have been left shocked and heartbroken by presuming marriage will happen when the man didn’t ever want to get married.

4) There are literally millions of men in the world of varying shapes and psychological sizes. If one man doesn’t want what you want there are many others who will, it is just a case of making a bit more of an effort to meet other men. Venture out into the dating pool, with you dating plan in your hand and find men that want the same type of relationship as you, at some point in the future.


I hope this blog has helped

Until next time….


Do you keep finding that you are having relationships with the wrong types of men and are sick of getting hurt? Do you find male behaviour confusing and want to know more about how they think in relationships, so that you can improve your chances of having a successful relationship? Do you feel rejected as a result of dating and want to be given effective activities that will rebuild your self-esteem? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then maybe a session with me would help you? Email me at to see if a session will help you.


* Please be aware that this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be perceived as professional advice. I cannot guarantee results or be held accountable for dating outcomes based on the content of these blog posts. You use this information at your own risk. If you need assistance with your individual situation, please consult a professional.

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