What is a Miss Settle & Moulder?

This is a woman who finds a man that she quite likes but there’s something fundamental about him that doesn’t make her happy. This could be his personality, his level of interest, his level of commitment or his treatment of her. Rather than end the relationship and finding a better man, she settles with this man and then focuses her efforts on changing him (moulding him) into the man that she wants.


Her possible beliefs:

  • “One day he will change”
  • “One day he will commit to me”
  • “I don’t have any other options”
  • “One day he will stop behaving badly and will start to treat me well”
  • “There’s a reason why he is the way that he is. It’s not his fault he is……….”(insert excuse)
  • “I just need to find a way to make him…….”
  • “I’ll be happy when he does X”


How her behaviour hurts her

She will continue to invest her time in the wrong man, hoping that he will change. She doesn’t realise that he won’t change and she will therefore live a life of disappointment and frustration. The worst case scenario is that she settles for a man that treats her badly. What she doesn’t realise is that while she is focusing on changing him, she is continually feeling unhappy.


Do you recognise yourself here? Have your previous choices hurt you in the end? Do you worry that you will be disappointed again? Don’t worry, this can all be changed, just by tweeking a few of your beliefs. If you need help with this, then book a session with me. Email me at emma@thedatingmermaid.com for more details

Until next time

Emma x

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