Many people feel angry after a relationship breaks down.
Anger is caused by having an expectation that they hasn’t been met
Many people don’t let go of the anger as they want to punish the other person. They think that if they stop being angry with them then the other person won’t have paid for what they have done
However, when someone is angry they only punish themselves as they are the one who is irritated
Are you angry at an ex?
If you are, how can you reduce your anger?
Here are five things that you can do:
1) Rather than focusing on how unfair the situation is, you could change your perception of it and focus on viewing this painful experience as an opportunity to learn something about yourself.
Here are some questions you could ask yourself at this point to help you to learn something so that you can gain from this painful situation:
- What expectations did you have that weren’t met?
- Do you need to lower your expectations?
- Do you need to communicate your expectations more clearly?
- Did you make an assumption about the situation?
- Did you trust someone too early?
- Do you need to change the way you operate in future relationships?
- Did you make him responsible for your happiness?
- Did you allow him to make you feel important or not based on his actions or inaction?
This analysis is not meant to punish you further. It is an opportunity to gain something from the situation. After asking yourself these questions, you can make a few key decisions for how you want to approach future relationships.
Here are a few questions to help you decide how you want to approach future relationships
- What will you always do in the future?
- What will you never do again?
- What work do you need to do on yourself and your life so that you feel better about yourself and are more likely to have a happier future?
- How could you communicate more effectively in the future?
2) You may be angry at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated badly (if you were treated badly)? If so, forgive yourself today.
You remained in the relationship because the benefits of being in the relationship outweighed the costs of staying with him. You made the right decision for you at the time, with the information and the feelings that you had.
You gave the relationship your best shot with who you were at the time. You couldn’t have done anymore, so you have nothing to regret.
You may have allowed bad behaviour as you thought that one day he would change. Many women believe that if they make more effort with a man and let them behave as they want to, the man will like them more. Unfortunately this isn’t the case as the sad fact is that men (and women) don’t tend to respect people that allow them to treat them badly.
3) Your anger could be reduced if you focus on how you gained rather than lost as a result of this breakup.
List all of the reasons why the breakup is a good thing. Now that he is out of your life, what have you gained? What can you now avoid?
4) Change your aim and your definition of a win.
Currently your aim is probably to find ways to get back at him. You are annoyed that you have lost out and you want to now win against your ex. However, all the time that you are thinking of ways to get even with him, you are continuing to poison yourself with this anger. It’s poisoning you not him. Your new aim should be to find ways to reduce the anger. See moving on to a calmer and happier future with a better man (or remaining single) as a win. If you do this, you will feel better and you will have a better future as you have had the opportunity to learn lessons from this painful situation. This is a real life win. Stop poisoning yourself today and make the vow to look after yourself and your future.
5) Concentrate on rebuilding your self-esteem and your life every day.
To help yourself to get over the anger, you could make yourself so busy with other things and people that you don’t even have time to think about him. Your goal shouldn’t be trying to get even with him or understanding why he behaved badly as this is a waste of time and energy. Your goal shouldn’t be about other people, it should all be about looking after you.
I hope this helps a bit – Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
Until Next Time
If you are finding it difficult to get over an ex? I can help you get over them during one of my brain pick sessions. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for details.
Alternatively you could use my Breakup Recovery Toolkit to help you to get over an ex and move onto a happier future.
* Please be aware that this blog is intended for general informational purposes only and should not be perceived as professional advice. I cannot guarantee results or be held accountable for dating outcomes based on the content of these blog posts. You use this information at your own risk. If you need assistance with your individual situation, please consult a professional.