Some people find dating a positive experience and some people find it a negative experience. People think that their experience depends on the people that they meet but I don’t think that this is the case. What type of experience you have will depend largely on your attitude to dating and what you tell yourself when you are dating.
If you have an unhealthy and needy attitude towards dating you will constantly be frustrated and disappointed and you are unlikely to pick well as a result. You’ll end up with what I call an unsuitable man or even worse……….a bad man.
So, it’s important to have a healthy attitude to dating so that you enjoy the experience and increase your chances of picking the right man for you.
Here are some examples of healthy and successful dating attitudes:
1) “I should use dating is an information gathering opportunity. I need to use each date to discover more about him rather than deciding about him too quickly”
2) “Dating should be fun. I’m going to use it to try out new activities”
3) ‘Dating is an opportunity to meet new men to see if they can enhance my life, whether that is as a friend or as a partner”
4) “A man doesn’t determine my worth. I am a good woman and a good partner whether a man wants to date me or not“
5) “I need to date as many men as possible so that I can work out what type of man I like and what type of man I don’t like. If I date too few men, then I may fool myself into believing that there’s only a limited number of types out there and that isn’t the case”
6) “I need to focus on finding a match for me rather than getting every man to like me. I won’t be a match for most men. If a man doesn’t think I am a match for him it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with me. I am perfect for someone else. I just need to find them”
7) “I’m going to take each date as it comes and I’m not going to assume there will be another date even if he says that he would like there to be. I’ll wait and see if he calls. I’m not going to fast forward the relationship in my head”
8) “If a man says he’s not interested in a relationship I’m going to believe him and walk away or just keep him as a friend. I’m not going to waste my time hoping he will change his mind. I will onlyspend my time looking for a man who wants the same type of relationship with me”
9) “I’m going to use dating as an opportunity to learn about myself. What I like and what I don’t like. What I like doing and how I like to be treated”
10) “I’m going to make sure that I am not fooled by anydating illusions such as “one day he will be the man I think he can be”. I’m not going to fall for what I have decided is a man’s “potential”
11) “I’m not going to settle for crumbs of attention. I’m not going to waste my time on a man who is partially interested. I am only going to consider men who show me through their consistent actions that they are interested in me”
12) “I’m going to self-compassionately self reflect after each date so that I can learn to make good dating decisions and become a better partner”
13) “I’m going to ensure that I am sensitive to all men that I date as he probably has fears about dating too. I’m going to be nice to all my dates. No man wants a princess or a ballbreaker. Men want women that are nice to them”
14) “I’m not going to assume that every man is my ex. I’m not going to punish a new man for my ex’s behaviour. That isn’t fair. I’m going to give each new man a chance”
15) “I recognise that my beliefs affect how I interact with men and the dating choices that I make. I am going to use the dating process to work out if I have any beliefs that are stopping me from finding a good man and change them”
What do you think of these attitudes to dating? Can you think of others that you would add to the list? If you can, write them in the comments box below
I hope this blog has helped in some way
Until next time
If you would like help with any dating, relationship or breakup problem, then book a brain pick session with me. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org