Unfortunately we don’t tend to have lessons in school on how to find the one for us so we have to sort of muddle through the dating process on our own. Add to this, the differences between men and women and their perception of dates and each other and it makes it even trickier! But don’t worry, here are a few tips on what not to do on a first date so you can increase your chances of getting a second one (if that’s what you want) and retain your sanity in the process!

 

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Don’t keep asking yourself what you need to do to get him to like you. 

If you are asking yourself this question it means that you are starting to put him on a pedestal as you are a bit more interested than you should be on a first date. By asking yourself this question you will start to think of ways to change yourself so that someone else likes you. Always remember that you are good enough just as you are. There is definitely at least one man, if not several men who will want to be with you as you are right now. You don’t need to turn yourself into a pretzel to attract a particular man. If you are thinking of changing then the man is not for you.

 

2) Don’t wear unfeminine clothes (unless you really want to)

Heterosexual men want to date women. They don’t want to date other men. They like the differences between you and him. They are drawn to femininity. Wearing a dress or skirt is one way of effortlessly promoting your femininity.

 

3) Don’t divulge too much information about your issues/problems/past

Women often bond with other women by talking about their problems, past and present. Men don’t do this. They won’t bond or sympathise, they will either pity you (unattractive) or think you’re trouble or weird. Either way, it isn’t good.

 

4) Don’t grill him as if it’s an interview

I know that many women are looking for long term relationships and they want to know as soon as possible whether this man is “marriage material” or not. Women often don’t focus on enjoying the company of their date as a result of trying to work out if he is marriage material or not. They focus on gathering information about him and his future intentions/plans. Men often pick up on this and feel that you are looking for a ring rather than them specifically and this turns them off. Don’t you want to be liked for you rather than what you can give eventually? Well it’s the same for a man. He wants to know that you want him specifically not just any man who could give “the ring”

 

5) Don’t believe everything he tells you (yep I went and said it!)

This seems a particular negative snippet of advice. If this is your first date then you won’t know him particularly well. Some people in life lie and some people don’t. As you don’t know him that well, you don’t know enough about him yet to know if he is someone who behaves with integrity or not. What you want to avoid here is believing a lie that will either hurt you or will disappoint you later

 

6) Don’t speak about your ex, even if he asks and definitely don’t start speaking ill of him or talk for long about him

You just won’t come across well if you do this. If you talk negatively about your ex your date will think you are bitter or still want you ex (either way it’s not good) or if you say that you are totally over your ex, you may appear cold and he will be put off of you as he wants someone who is warm. Do you see how you just can’t win in this situation? So avoid putting yourself in that position in the first place.

 

7) Don’t sleep with him

This is an absolute no no. Despite what he may tell you, if you sleep with him on the first date there is a high chance that he will think 1) that you do this with other men, 2) that you have no self control, 3) you can’t be trusted around other men when he’s not around and he is likely to lose respect you as a result. At best he won’t call again at worst he will use you as you have presented yourself as a “good time girl” rather than “wife material”

 

8) Don’t act like you are at work and compete or bring negative/aggressive energy to the date

This is similar to the “don’t wear unfeminine clothes” snippet of advice. Men are used to competing with other men. If you start trying to be competitive or trying to boast about your accomplishments then he will start to view you as masculine, which is something that he doesn’t want in his dating life.

 

9) Don’t act as his counsellor if he reveals that he has issues

1) A man wants a woman to share his life with not a therapist. He simply doesn’t find therapists attractive and 2) If a man has serious issues it is time to assess whether this man is a good option for you right now. Many women make the mistake of thinking that they can heal a man by nurturing/loving him and will be rewarded with the relationship that they want in return. This usually doesn’t happen. Only a man can help himself by choosing to go to a therapist. If he doesn’t, then those issues that he discussed on the first date could lead him to mess you around later. You have been warned……….

 

10) Don’t do all the talking

Many men complain that women talk too much. In this situation if you take the lead conversationally you are taking away his opportunity to lead which is what many men want to do. In some instances if you talk too much he will think that you are trying too hard, which he will find odd (and possibly a bit needy & desperate) as it is only a first date.

 

11) Don’t moan about your life

If you are moaning about your life, he will think that 1) you are possibly hoping that he will become your life, as you don’t have anything that you enjoy. He will start to feel pressured to make you happy, which no man wants, 2) he may think that you can’t take care of your own life as you haven’t taken steps to change it & 3) he may think that you aren’t good company (which is what he wants) as spending time in the company of moaners is seriously draining

 

12) Don’t ask where the relationship is going

Steady on…….this is only the first date! This question should never be asked on a first date as it shows that you are desperate for a relationship (with anyone) rather than him as you don’t know him well enough after a first date to know whether you really want a relationship with him specifically or not.

 

Well there you have it. A few snippets of advice to think about while you are on that first date.

I hope this blog has helped

Until next time……

Emma

 

 

 

 

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