The 3 Types Of Men In The Dating World

Dating can be a really fun experience for many people but for some it can be a self esteem damaging time. This is because of many reasons, one of which is the type of person that you are going on dates with. To make it easier, it’s a good idea to work out as quickly as possible who’s cool and who’s not by identifying the type of man that you are dating. 

I believe there are three basic types of man, but what is the difference between the three and what do you need to do to ensure that you keep the cool’s and avoid the fool’s!

 

1) The Good Man

The good man is someone who has been encouraged to behave with integrity by his parents. He is motivated to treat others well as he knows that it leads to self respect. This type of man is what I call “female friendly”, which means that he knows quite a bit about how women think. These types of men tend to have very good relationships with their mothers and sisters (if they have any), which leads them to respect women generally.

This type of man will treat anybody well because he believes in behaving with integrity, irrespective of how the other person behaves as he wants to maintain his self-respect. He will not treat a woman badly or take advantage of her as he knows that this is not nice behaviour and he doesn’t want to conduct himself that way. If you are not for him, you could lay yourself on a plate and he will not take the offer as he doesn’t want to take advantage of you

 

2) The 50/50 Man (aka the average man)

Many men fall into this category. They are looking for long term quality relationships, but with the right woman. However, they will still have relationships with women who they have secretly placed in the “short term only” category, while they are waiting for the right one for them to come along.

How this type of man treats you will be based on two things:

a) Whether he likes you or not

b) How you behave

 

Let’s look at the two factors in a bit more depth

a) Whether he likes you or not

If he likes you, he will make a consistent effort with you. However, if you are not the one for him, he won’t treat you the way you want to be treated consistently because he’s not that bothered about losing you. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthwhile/attractive etc., it just means that you aren’t suited – but you are perfectly suited to another man. Never base your worth on whether a man makes an effort with you or not – ever!

Be aware ladies, that some men in this category, will pretend to like you when they know that you are not the one for him as they view you as a short term option who they can benefit from temporarily. They probably won’t tell you this as they don’t want to lose the benefits of having you around. These relationships can be confusing because they aren’t fully into you, so don’t make that much effort but they don’t want to lose you either because they want to keep getting the ego boost, attention, affection and sex that you give him, so he will say the right thing when you moan about the relationship or make a bit of an effort at the point when you have had enough and have decided to walk away – just to get you back to where he wants you. He will say & do the right thing until he gets comfortable again and goes back to not making an effort.

The only way you know a man likes you is if he makes a consistent effort with you, not in what he says but through HIS ACTIONS. If a man likes you, you will know it.  He does what he says he is going to do. He makes an effort because he wants you to like him and stay with him.

Any man who doesn’t make enough effort should be walked away from now. Find another one, as you are just not suited. If you stay in the relationship and make all of the effort, things will never change. People are not motivated to change when they are getting everything that they want

So let’s conclude; If he has decided that you are not a long term option for him, because you are not what he is looking for (this is about individual taste, so there is nothing wrong with you, it just means that you are not suited), it doesn’t matter how you behave (so ignore part b of this blog), the relationship is not going to work out.

Many women make the error of making an effort with someone that they like who doesn’t feel the same. She incorrectly believes that if she tries a bit harder to be nice to him and be what he wants her to be, then he will eventually see her worth and appreciate her. This never works as human beings generally don’t appreciate things or people that they don’t work for. If a woman makes all of the effort, he doesn’t have to do anything and this normally results in him disrespecting her and treating her badly.

 

b) How you behave and whether you will allow him to behave badly or not. Therefore this type of man looks for cues from you and then CHOOSES how to behave

If he likes you, the relationship has potential. However, the relationship will only be successful if you believe that you are a prize and behave as such

If you don’t believe that you are a prize, you will start to settle for second best. Many men will actually test you in some way, especially in the beginning, to see what you will tolerate as they secretly want a woman who respects herself enough not to tolerate his behaviour (weird, I know!).  He will respect you if you don’t tolerate his boundary pushing behaviour

If you tolerate the boundary pushing behaviour, then you are letting him know that you are prepared to accept it and he will continue to do it and respect you less. Don’t think for a second that he will naturally stop this behaviour, so don’t stay around waiting for him to start making an effort. Men will make as much effort as you accept. When you stay in the relationship, you are accepting this behaviour. You are even rewarding it!

 

These men are not toxic men and they do want relationships. They are not trying to actively hurt you but they will test you to see if you are someone that they can respect, as this is what every man wants in a LONG TERM partner. Your behaviour, which you are in control of, will determine whether he respects you or not.

This is why knowing your worth is so important when dating. If your confidence is low, you are more likely to tolerate “boundary pushing” behaviour and will “fail” his test. Work on building your confidence and knowing your boundaries before you start dating

So remember, the only way a relationship with a man in this category can be successful (and many are) is a) if he likes you & b) He knows that he must behave well as he knows that you won’t tolerate bad behaviour

This means that you may walk away from many men as they aren’t for you. There are many men out there, try to find the one for you and avoid fixating on a man that doesn’t reciprocate your effort

 

3) The Toxic Man (a minority of men)

This is a man who has issues from his childhood. See my blog “What is a toxic man” for a few more details. There is a high chances that he will treat every woman badly eventually. This is because of two main reasons:

a) He has suffered in his childhood and has now emotionally shut down to avoid any further hurt. He will not have the ability to understand or consider your emotions

b) He has been adored by his parents to the extent where they have spoilt him. They haven’t  taught him about the consequences of his actions or taught him the importanceof considering others. He will expect others to adore him unconditionally as this is what he is used to. He will have a sense of entitlement

Either way, toxic men should be avoided like the plague. Get out as early as you can, at the first sign of trouble. They may be nice to you and any other women in the beginning but at some point in the relationship, even after a few years in some cases, he will reveal his true colours, but only when he knows you are hooked! (hence you should get out as soon as possible when you see the signs, so you avoid getting in deeper).

This situation is confusing/difficult as you will continue to give him chances as you will wait for him to go back to how he was in the beginning, as this is who YOU think he is. This probably won’t happen as how he is in the beginning is NOT who is truly is. Unfortunately, many men can be very good at acting when they are motivated to get affection, love, attention and sex from you

As you can see, not all men are bad. In fact there are many that are nice. You have those in the good category and many in the 50/50 category (dependent on how you react if they try to test you)

Dating can be a really positive experience but it is always best to just make sure that you look after yourself during the process

There are a few books that help you understand how men think when they are dating/in relationships. Please email me, if you would like a couple of recommendations

 

Do you keep finding that you are having relationships with the wrong types of men and are sick of getting hurt? Do you find male behaviour confusing and want to know more about how they think in relationships, so that you can improve your chances of having a successful relationship? Do you feel rejected as a result of dating and want to be given efffective activities that will rebuild your self esteem?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, then maybe a “brain pick” session with me would help you?

If you are interested in a session, either see my services page or contact me at emma@thedatingmermaid.com  for additional information.

I hope this blog has helped

Until next time – Take care

Emma xxx

Facebook – www.facebook.com/TheDatingMermaid

Twitter – www.twitter.com/datingmermaid

 

 

 

 

 

by Emma Staddon on March 1, 2017 · 0 comments

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