How Analysing Your Relationship With Your Ex Can Help You Be More Successful In The Dating World

Breakups are painful because people view them as a loss. When we lose something, we grieve and this is a painful process. One way to reduce breakup pain is to try to view the situation positively and focus on what you have gained rather than what you have lost.

Some people argue that everyone that we have relationships with have been sent to teach us something – Your job is to identify that something and use your new found knowledge to ensure that you have a happier future. You can use this information to work out what you need to do to make yourself ready for the dating world and to establish more specifically what type of man you want in the future


To work out what you have learned from someone give the following activity a try

On a piece of paper write the sentence “what I have learned from my relationship with …… (ex’s name)”.

Then write down all of the things that you have learned (good and bad) as a result of your relationship with your ex (you don’t have to stop at one ex, you can examine all past relationships)


Here’s an example:

* What I have learned from my relationship with Graham *

1) I have learned that I need to establish a set of standards and know my boundaries and stick to them as I allowed Graham to treat me badly sometimes and it didn’t feel good

2) I have learned that I need to find ways to improve my self-esteem and become aware of what I offer a man as I think that I compromised too much because I didn’t think that he would stay with me if I didn’t compromise. This was because I didn’t know why he was with me. I focused too much on why he was cool and what he brought to the relationship and not enough on why I am cool and what he gained as a result of me being in the relationship

3) I have learned that someone will want a long term relationship with me as Graham and I were together for three years

4) I have learned that I like men who have a good relationship with their mothers, as Graham did

5) I have learned that I need to be more open with my feelings and be more affectionate as I realise now that I often made Graham feel rejected by my lack of affection/openess. He withdrew from me as a result, which I now understand was caused by my initial lack of affection but at the time I thought he was being heartless, which caused more problems. I loved him but I had difficulty expressing this as I feared rejection. This is something I intend to work on so that I don’t push future partners away

6) I have learned that I need to listen to and consider the needs of my future partners more and I now realise how my behaviour can cause problems in the relationship

7) I have learned that I like funny men because Graham was hilarious

8) I have learned that I like men who are “female friendly” to a certain extent i.e. understand a female perspective (even though they may not experience it themselves) because Graham was a man’s man and often didn’t understand my perspective at all and would tell me that I was too emotional about everything and dismiss my feelings, which I didn’t like

9) I have learned that people will accept me as I am and will still stay with me as Graham stayed with me even though I was horrible to him sometimes


I think you get the gist now. You may feel a bit sad at times during this process but it is intended to help you gather information to improve your dating future by enabling you to see what work you have to do on yourself before you start dating again after your breakup and to identify more specifically what type of relationship will make you happier in the future

Remember that you ex is just one of many people who will join you on your journey through life. He was associated with one chapter of your life. Now is the time to start another chapter


Are you ready to move into the dating world but would like someone to help you through the process as you find the opposite sex a bit confusing? Do you want some advice so that you increase your chances of having a successful relationahip with someone?

If you answered yes to either of the questions above, then maybe a “brain pick” session with me would help you?

If you are interested in a session, either see my services page or contact me at  for additional information.


I hope this blog has helped

Until next time – Take care

Emma xxx

by Emma Staddon on January 22, 2017 · 0 comments

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