The Three Ways That Dating A Toxic Man Can Damage You

Caution-SignA toxic man is someone who has emotional/psychological issues, usually from his childhood, which affects the way he behaves in his adult relationships

 

People with issues feel psychologically uncomfortable on a regular basis and their emotional discomfort increases in intimate relationships

In childhood, when the damaging experience/s occur, toxic people learn strategies to deal with the damage caused and avoid further discomfort, for example a man who wasn’t loved enough as a child will learn to cut himself off emotionally and avoid close relationships with others as he has learned that relationships with others equals pain and he can’t take anymore

 

So how will you be damaged by these people?

People who feel uncomfortable often lack integrity due to their insatiable need to feel ok. They need to feel better to such an extent that they are ridiculously self-absorbed and don’t have the ability to consider the repercussions of their choices on others. They will use every trick in the book and every mind game (subtle or explicit) to feel comfortable, so they often come across as manipulative and selfish

This will lead them to behaving badly towards you, which could damage you in the following ways:

 

1) They will damage your self-esteem as they won’t be able to show that they value you

This is because no matter how fabulous you are they will never realise it because they are dealing with internal stuff which will never allow them to see what is in front of them, no matter how much effort you put in. They will not attempt to meet your needs as they are so concern with their own. You will always be a passenger in the relationship due to their selfishness

Your value is not based on what he does or doesn’t do. You are cool whether he makes an effort with you/values you or not

 

2) You will start to think that you aren’t good enough so you make more of an effort, hoping that he will like you more. This effort will never be rewarded so you will constantly feel frustrated and stressed out

They will still give you crumbs of a relationship and keep your hopes alive as they are getting benefits from you being around and they want to keep this going. You will have the relationship carrot dangled in front of your face (especially if you start making noises about moving on from the relationship) which encourages you to believe that if you try a bit harder, you will finally get the relationship that you want. This is not going to happen and he knows it (no matter what lies he tells you). You will become obsessed with pleasing  him and constanlty feel frustrated when he doesn’t reward you for your efforts. This frustration is compounded by the fact that he will go hot and cold to manipulate the situation

You are good enough as you are and a healthy adult male will know this

 

3) You will question/doubt your perception and your sanity as they will defend their hurtful behaviour with irrational excuses which will be argued with absolute conviction, so that you doubt yourself

This is because the toxic man will:

a) feel bad about how they are treating you so give the most irrational excuses (because their in no rational explanation for their hideous behaviour) to avoid feeling bad about themselves and

b) will argue with absolute conviction so that they can convince both themselves and you that their behaviour is ok. It is not – period. They are motivated to convince you that their behaviour is ok because if they manage it, you will stop nagging which makes them feel uncomfortable and will then carry on the relationship as normal which means giving them benefits of the relationship. In addition to this they’ve got away with behaving selfishly, so have got their own way, and managed to keep you interested.

Never fall for the irrational argument technique. He knows that he’s behaved badly and is just hoping that you will drop it soon, so he doesn’t have to face the truth about his CHOICES and feel guilty

 

* His behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with you or your worth – He is an out and out crazyoid! *

(just because he doesn’t look like one doesn’t mean he isn’t one)

 

I hope that you haven’t experienced a toxic man but if you have, hopefully he is in your past and you realise that you are now free of his poisonous influence. If you are associated with one currently, you cannot change him and he won’t change in the future (if this is what you are waiting for) unless he wants to change and while you are still around he has no reason to – Consider leaving this situation before you lose your self-esteem, self-respect and sanity

 

“But I love him”, I hear you cry – Who do you love more? Him or you?

  

I hope this blog has helped

Until next time – Take care

Emma xxx

 

Are you in a toxic relationship right now but don’t know why you stay? Do you want to get out of this toxic relationship but don’t have the psychological strength to do it? Do you need some support in understanding your relationship and then finding ways to move on from it? Have you left the relationship but are struggling to repair the damage that has been caused to your sanity and self esteem and you desperately want to build yourself up again?

 

Maybe a “brain pick” session with me will help you? During a brain pick session I can give you many suggestions on how to psychologically break free from the relationship & start to repair the damage to your self esteem & sanity

 

If you are interested in a session, either see my services page or contact me at emma@thedatingmermaid.com  for additional information.

 

Facebook – www.facebook.com/TheDatingMermaid

Twitter – www.twitter.com/datingmermaid

 

 

 

by Emma Staddon on January 19, 2017 · 0 comments

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