How To Cope When Your Ex Has a New Girlfriend

Sad-Young-Asian-WomanThis is probably the second most painful news to hear after a breakup, besides the “this isn‘t working out and I don’t want a relationship with you” conversation. It will probably hurt even more if the breakup was recent. When you hear the news you will feel a range of emotions and all of them are perfectly normal, irrespective of how long it was since you broke up, so don’t beat yourself up for having feelings.

Don’t allow other people to devalue what you are feeling and tell you that you are being silly as you two are now no longer together and you shouldn’t be reacting like this. People are emotional creatures but we are encouraged (especially in Britain) to conceal our emotions and label that as being “adult” about the situation. Whatever you feel is normal for you at that particular time.

However, if you are react strongly to the news when you have split up after a few years, your friend does have a point but despite how long it has been if you react negatively to the news it just means that you haven’t truly moved on from your ex yet. This isn’t right of wrong – it is just the way it is at the moment. This painful news is a good opportunity to realise that you haven’t moved on and decide that you are going to make an effort to rebuild your life, get psychological help from a professional if you think that would help and move on


Don’t be surprised if you experience some of the following emotions/thoughts:

* Feel replaced
* Feel rejected again (if he dumped you)
* Feel that hope has been taken from you as you may have been hoping to get back together
* Feel unattractive as some women believe that if they were “more attractive” he would be with her and not the new girlfriend (this isn’t true by the way – he was attracted to you once and probably still is)
* Feel sad
* Feel shocked by the news
* Feel angry if you feel that he has given you the impression that there was a chance that you were going to get back together


So what can you do to feel better after hearing this news?

1) Look after yourself, if you are feeling bad. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling like this – it’s normal for you at the moment and you may feel like this for a little while. However, the important thing here is that this reaction reveals that you still have feelings for your ex and you have some healing to do as you haven’t moved on yet. To avoid feeling horrible again, healing should become your priority

Decide today that you will do everything you can to feel good about yourself, raise your self-esteem and rebuild your life by going out and doing things you enjoy with people you like spending time with. Start the “Me Project” and focus on yourself wholeheartedly. You will be so busy that you won’t have time to worry about what other people are doing


2) You are placing your self-esteem in the hands of one individual. This is really dangerous for your mental health. You have decided that your worth is based on what someone else does or says or doesn’t do or doesn’t say. You cannot control other people’s behaviour so if you have this attitude you will never have any control over your self-esteem

You are a worthwhile, cool, attractive human being, no matter what he or anyone else is doing or thinking

If one of your really lovely friends was rejected by a man, do you suddenly think less of her? or do you think he is mad not to have recognised her worth?

When you start thinking about what he is thinking tell yourself “his opinion doesn’t matter, I am cool whether he is in my life or not”


3) Because he is with someone else it doesn’t mean that you are unattractive. He found you attractive at some point (and probably still does) otherwise he wouldn’t have had a relationship with you. Think about all the men who have found you attractive during your life. Write your list down and put it on your wall or in a journal and look at it daily to feel better about yourself


4) You will start viewing the relationship with rose tinted glasses. We often want something or someone that we can’t have. They become more attractive. You have entered into fantasy world. Try to view the situation more realistically. Do you really want him or do you want him because he is with someone else?
Take your rose tinted glasses off and list all of his negative traits (there must be at least a few) and then write down why he has lost out as a result of not being with you. Add to this list every day


5) If your ex treated you badly, remind yourself that however he treated you, in time (probably not list all of the reasons why n the beginning as he while he is trying to impress her) he will treat her exactly the same


I hope this blog helps

Until next time

Emma xxx

If you would like help with any dating, relationship or breakup problem, then book a brain pick session with me. Contact me at

by Emma Staddon on January 7, 2017 · 0 comments

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