Are You Dating A Toxic Man?

Toxic men (and women) are people who have psychological issues,mr fancy pants that have been caused by their past experiences.

These issues drive them to behave in a way that causes problems for other people.

People with issues often cause harm to others as they are desperate to feel better/comfortable, as having issues always leads to psychological discomfort. People who have issues often lack integrity due to their insatiable need to feel ok. They need to feel better to such an extent that they don’t have the ability to consider the repercussions of their choices on others, so they often come across as manipulative and selfish

 

What do I mean by issues?

Issues are experienced when someone has experiences in their childhood that causes them harm or distress. They then develop irrational thought processes which leads them to feeling uncomfortable in adulthood. This persistent psychological pain leads them to do anything to feel better and that can include hurting you

 

Here are some examples of people with issues and the experiences that cause the problem:

 

1) Someone who has a very controlling parent

The control freak

They didn’t feel that they had any control when they were younger, which made them feel uncomfortable. They often want to address the imbalance of power when they are older. They will desperately try to avoid being controlled by others again. They will control the relationship by using strategies such as sulking or withdrawing from the relationship if you don’t do what they want.

 

2) Experienced the death of a parent in childhood

The emotionally unavailable man/woman

This is obviously traumatic for a child. They feel hurt and abandoned. They may fear experiencing intense pain or being abandoned again, when they are older. They will want many superficial friends and partner’s because they fear being left again or feel intense pain again so they decide that they won’t get too close to people as they can’t cope with another loss

 

3) Someone who didn’t feel loved as a child and felt rejected as a result or a man/woman who was very hurt by one of his/her previous partners (this one is really common)

The womaniser & the emotionally unavailable man

(this normally applies to men more as women tend to react differently when in this situation – They tend to cling to a man so that they can feel wanted)

When he is older he will desperately want to feel wanted so may become a womaniser. He will say anything or do anything just to get a woman to like him, usually for one night as this is all he needs to feel good about himself/feel wanted, unlike his childhood. He will also be very motivated to avoid rejection again. He will always reject someone before they can reject him and will often have relationships with women who he doesn’t rate/like that much for a number of reasons:

 

a) He will feel superior to them and feel better about himself

b) He will feel confident that they won’t leave him, so he can avoid rejection

c) He will probably not make much effort with her as he is not that bothered and this often makes women work harder, so his ego is fed by her additional effort

You can see by the examples above that there are a variety of toxic people and their earlier experiences have caused their problems

 

* Their behaviour has absolutely nothing to do with you or your worth 

 

I will write the end part of the blog for women, not because women aren’t toxic but because 1) they often react differently to being toxic and 2) I mainly coach women. However, the following points can be applied to women

 

You are not the cause or the catalyst. He will treat all women the same way because the problem is within him and he carries this problem around with him every day and into every new relationship

 

I hope that you haven’t experienced a toxic man (or woman) but if you have, hopefully he is in your past and you realise that you are now free of his poisonous influence. If you are associated with one currently, you cannot change him and he won’t change in the future (if this is what you are waiting/hoping for) unless he wants to change and while you are still around he has no reason to. If you decide to stay with him, try to protect your self-esteem and sanity as this is what you are risking by staying with him.

 

I hope this blog has helped

Until next time – Take care

Emma xxx

 

Are you in a toxic relationship right now but don’t know why you stay? Do you want to get out of this toxic relationship but don’t have the psychological strength to do it? Do you need some support in understanding your relationship and then finding ways to move on from it? Have you left the relationship but are struggling to repair the damage that has been caused to your sanity and self esteem and you desperately want to build yourself up again?

 

Maybe a “brain pick” session with me will help you? During a brain pick session I can give you many suggestions on how to psychologically break free from the relationship & start to repair the damage to your self esteem & sanity

 

If you are interested in a session, either see my services page or contact me at emma@thedatingmermaid.com for additional information.

Facebook – www.facebook.com/TheDatingMermaid

Twitter – www.twitter.com/datingmermaid

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

by Emma Staddon on January 16, 2017 · 0 comments

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